Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
