I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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