K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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