Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
