the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
