for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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