so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize