I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize