And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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