no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
