did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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