he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
