The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
