fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
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