Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
