I just threw up on my dentist
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
