my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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