what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
