Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Dicks are not precious.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
