he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
