I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
