Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
