this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
So squirting runs in the family.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The air was thick with penises
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
