she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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