final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
