Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
