Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
