Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Drake has all the answers
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
