In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
