he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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