stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
