Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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