i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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