he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
it's great music for shaving your balls
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
