Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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