yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize