I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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