he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
