We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
