AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize