he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
