I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
