I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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