She said her name was "party"
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
