She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
