the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
