I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
