All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
