Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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