I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
