I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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