I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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