Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
