I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
