No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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