What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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