Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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