I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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