Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
This baby is an asshole
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
