Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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