It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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