He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
i believe in u and ur pee
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
