So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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