Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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