Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
